24 January 2013

That doesn't have to be us

Can I make a confession? I have felt like I have been in a bit of a mourning period this past week or so. Not a word you usually associate with having a baby, but it is the word that best describes what I have been experiencing. At first I thought I was just feeling anxious about going into labor (which don't be mistaken, I very much am). But even that didn't seem to define what I have been feeling. I thought maybe it was a mix of nerves about becoming a parent and the unknown of when our baby will be arriving, and all the planning I try to do but realize is pretty pointless. But still, even all that wasn't putting into words what was nagging at me. Then I noticed something:

Ronnie and I have been hanging onto each hug a little longer and giving each other an extra kiss when we can. The words "I love you" have been repeated more times than usual and morning snuggles are quickly coming becoming a part of our routine. What is our problem? Neither one of is going anywhere, yet we are clinging onto each other like one of us is leaving for a long trip.

Then as I was reading my book "Baby Makes 3", it dawned on me that we both are realizing our relationship is about to experience a major change. Is it a bad one? Not in the least! It is a pretty miraculous one, but a very stressful one from what everything and everyone says. All the statistics point to the birth of a baby as a major shift in most marriages and the transition to parenthood causes a moderate to severe crisis in many relationships. As I have been reading and preparing, the thought kept sneaking into my mind, "Why are we doing this? I am perfectly happy with what we have now!"

As I have given it more thought, and allowed myself to feel those feelings, I think I am coming to a realization:

That doesn't have to be us.

When we first got married, we would hear about how hard the first year of marriage is and how hard adjusting to living with your spouse can be. I know for many couples that is the case, but it was the opposite of the truth for us. The past year and a half have been absolute bliss. I never knew I could be so content spending so much time with one person, working through any disagreements as rare as they may be, stretching my own comfort levels to make someone else happy, and gauging my own happiness by the happiness I bring to him. Nothing has been more rewarding than the friendship I share with my husband and my marriage to him. I am continually amazed he would choose me for his wife. When we do encounter stress or a disagreement, we always come out of it feeling more love towards each other and in the end, more happiness than I ever knew possible.

Just this morning Ronnie went to the doctor with me. I was so looking forward to having him there with me and taking part in what my life has been for the past few weeks. Unfortunately, because of slick roads, always feeling like a failure if I am 1 minute late, and constantly being pestered about my blood pressure (thanks for passing that genetic prize on Dad), I was less than patient and not very considerate of what it might be like for Ronnie to be in a hospital environment again. We went to breakfast afterwards and I ended up letting my hormones take control. Never try and shove hash browns in your mouth while trying to control tears running down your face. Such a waste of deliciousness. It felt like what I was going through right then was the worst thing in the whole wide world. Ronnie and I talked through it calmly and with love, and in the end my tears switched from "Whoa is me!" to tears of absolute appreciation for my loving husband. Our poor waitress deserves a much bigger tip than we left her for pretending not to see the crying Goodyear blimp as she faithfully refilled my water glass.

So why does parenting have to be any different? Will we be exhausted from long nights, poopy diapers, piles of laundry, and spit-up soaked clothes? You betcha. But I think it is those moments of selflessness towards someone else that make you love them so darn much. I trust that Ronnie and I have the communication skills to let the other know when we need something from them. We could keep sailing along at a comfortable pace, just me and him, but then I wouldn't get the satisfaction of loving him more than I do now. While it is hard to imagine bringing another man into my life that I could possibly love as much as his daddy, I am so excited to give it a whirl and fall head over heels for what will surely become my greatest treasure on Earth.

14 January 2013


Well, as of Monday, we have 4 weeks until the due date. Most first pregnancies go past the due date, but I am really hoping for the opposite. Tonight my ribs are sore from a cute little body snuggling up to them. You know the scene from Jungle Book where Baloo the bear is scratching his back on the tree? That is what it feels like our kid has been doing on my ribs.

And forget trying to sit through movies in the theater anymore. We went and saw "Here Comes the Boom" in the dollar theater and it felt like the kid was getting into the UFC fighting spirit inside of me. It must be getting a little crowded in there for him.
I am feeling pretty prepared supply-wise for the baby, and the nursery is about 1/2 way to being done, but I feel like my nesting has switched from "Do we have everything?" to "Do we know enough to have a baby?!" Luckily I have some pretty amazing friends and they themselves are a wealth of knowledge and have supplied me with an amazing library of information. I am loving diving in and reading away. My Dr. appointments became weekly starting this week, and because the umbilical cord has one vein instead of two, I get to go for an additional 2 more times a week to do Non Stress Tests (NST's)where they check to make sure there is plenty of amniotic fluid and that the baby isn't under stress by hooking up a heart monitor up to my belly and observing it for 40 minutes. All this time waiting at the Dr.'s is giving me plenty of time to read, so I thought I'd share what we are doing to pretend to be ready to become parents:

And Baby Makes 3

I found this at D.I. and am glad I picked it up for 50 cents. When I worked at KOTM we had a marriage class based on Dr. Gottman's books. We leave this book on the kitchen table and whenever either one of us sits down for a few minutes we open it up and read a few pages. I have been worried about how the baby is going to change mine and Ronnie's relationship. I honestly feel like we have the best marriage in the history of EVER (ambitious, but probably not something I should feel guilty for thinking). Reading that having a healthy marriage is the best thing you can do as a parent makes me feel like I have a head start.

Baby Wise

This book has been recommended to be by lots of people and if it helps us get more sleep sooner, I will do anything it says. Pregnancy has started to prepare me for life with little sleep, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it.

The Nursing Mother's Companion

I have had nightmares about nursing. Strange, I know, but it is something that seems so foreign. With child birth I know that whether I know what I am doing or not, my body will do what it needs and it will happen. Successful nursing, on the other hand, is very much something I have to work for. Lucky for me, I have sisters with lots of experience and friends that are gurus. I am so lucky to have to such an amazing support system!

Hypnobirthing CD's

My friend Rebecca sent this to me and I have had several friends use hypnobirthing as a way to help with preparing for labor and childbirth. It sounds strange, but it is actually very comforting to be doing something ahead of time to feel prepared and to feel like I have tools in my belt to help me through labor. I listen to the CD's and just relax and enjoy the positive affirmations that combat all the negative things you hear about giving birth. (THANK YOU REBECCA!)

Natural Health After Birth

This is another gem sent to me from Rebecca and I am excited to start it. Everyone has all sorts of advice for how to have a healthy pregnancy and birth experience, but what about afterwards? I am glad I will have this book to turn to to help me feel like it isn't just all about baby and what to do with this strange frame I am left with once our little handsome gets here.

So there you have it. I am a little obsessed, but I am loving that I actually get to apply this stuff in my own life, and am not just learning it to help others out in my profession. I am also looking forward to having fingers that aren't the same size as Costco hotdogs and that fit a real wedding ring on them. 4 more weeks!

03 January 2013

34 weeks and counting

I know it's been forever and I have about 15 post ideas rolling around in my head but have yet to write a single one down. I figured I would at least write a quick post about what it has been like this past month or so, especially pregnancy wise.

It's old news now, but at the beginning of November Ronnie got a job offer in the Park City area and we accepted and were moved into a little duplex by Dec. 1st. I probably lifted way too much and relaxed way too little, but with the help of fabulous friends and family, we made the move and by the first night we said lots of prayers of gratitude for all the help and love we felt. From day one of being back in Utah it has felt perfect and we know we made the right choice.

Ronnie LOVES his new job and we are becoming Oakley School's biggest fans. I am convinced that work environment makes up 98% of an employees happiness and Ronnie found an amazing place to be. Not only does he get to ride to work each day with a friend, but he enjoys his coworkers, the trust his company has in him, the professionalism and positive attitude he is greeted with each day, and his amazing bosses that continually boost his confidence, and in turn he works hard to live up to their praise. I couldn't be more excited for him!

Right around the time of all the craziness with the move and trying to get set up in our new life, the third trimester hit and I wanted to go back to a daily nap schedule. Making a baby fat is tiring. My belly continues to grow and the little guy tends to move around when Ronnie gets home, when I play music really loud, and at night. Lately I have been feeling like he is trying to bust out of the womb and say "Give me some room in there, why don't you!". It's no longer cute little wiggles and squirms, but a realization that we are running out of space to share.

I am quickly getting over my abhorrence for public restrooms. I HATE having to pee so often and to feel the urge so strongly. It is one thing to have to go really badly and then feel relief when the "flood gates" are opened. But to be greeted with "here comes the little stream" each time you run to the bathroom is so disappointing. (my sincerest apologies go out to my Papa who will undoutably read this last paragraph. Let's just move forward...)

My feet don't feel too swollen but they must be because only a few pairs of shoes still fit. I really hope my feet and fingers return to their former glory and Ronnie won't have to look like the ghetto husband who bought his wife a turquoise wedding ring. I miss my antique beauty and look forward to showing it off again.

I've pretty much given up on exercising for the moment. How motivating is bundling up to go on a freezing walk or trying to balance your way through yoga when your body just gets rounder anyway? Let's hope my post baby body will scare me enough into picking up some good exercise routines again. I've gotten so used to being pregnant, I'm a little scared of what is in store afterwards. What does it feel like to get up from the couch quickly, or to lay on your stomach, or twist easily when buckling your seatbelt? I have forgotten, and I am sure it will be glorious, but all of those things seem so much less satisfying when I think of the bowl of jello jigglers my stomach will be. It will all be worth it for my little buddy that is cooking up so cute right now. I can't hardly wait to meet him!